10 Types of People that Deserve a Special Place in Hell

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1. The people that walk slowly in front of you in the train station causing you to miss your train that is currently pulling into the station and thus making you late to work. Move out of my way, dickbags.

2. Capable people that take the elevator down from the second floor.

3. People that get on the train and stand in front of the doors like they’re the only people in the entire god damn world.

4. Roommates that eat your food.

5. Bodegas that don’t carry Dr Pepper…seriously, wtf is wrong with you?

6. People that bring their iPads to concerts, graduations, Disney World, museums, etc.

7. The MTA in general.

8. Parents that don’t tame their children (there is an even deeper pit for those that let kids run wild in restaurants.)

9. Bartenders that pour you a two count drink and charge $8.

10. People that don’t use their blinkers.

 

xx meow

16 clues you probably drank too much last night

1. Waking up face down short ways on your bed. All the lights are still on and you are still fully clothed including your shoes.

2. The way your money/method of payment is shoved into your bag. Namely, wads of crumbled up cash and your debit carelessly throw into some random pocket. Basically, your money is everywhere except for your wallet.

3. The amount of snacks you wake up to. Did you spend $30 at the bodega on beef jerky, cheese its, and gummies? **Bonus points if you wake up with snacks in your bed such a pizza or taco bell.

4. When you wake up and your clothing is thrown sporadically around the house. Usually your shoes are ditched somewhere near the entrance, your coat thrown on a chair, then pants come off while you’re peeing because they’re already around your ankles, so why not?

5. You wake up sitting on your couch dumping that last 24 you HAD to drink all over yourself/the furniture while infomercials play because it’s 5 AM.

6. Waking up covered in blood, whether it be yours or another’s.

7. Waking up in a suitcase/bathtub/dog bed/kitchen because you can’t find your bed.

8. Bruises. Every size, shape and form. Some more painful than others but all of them in really odd places that you probably wouldn’t normally bruise. Unknown drunken injuries happen as frequently as the sun rises and sets.

9. When you sleep through your work/school alarm for three hours. Yes, even that terrifying and annoying BEEPING alarm.

10. You are so dehydrated you feel you could actually drink all of Lake Superior.

11. You have at least three new contacts in your phone where you both were texting like you were just slapping on the keyboard. ** Bonus points if the other person mentions something that you talked about but you have no recollection of (i.e. “Last night was rough….did you buy your morning Dr Pepper yet?”). No sir, I don’t even know who you are….

12. Your pack of cigarettes is empty. You just bought that right before you went to the bar…

13. You have 18 voicemails from various friends frantically calling to see if you’re alive. One explains that you called them and left a message asking them to call Benson and Stabler because you were walking home alone and someone was going to get you.

14. You wake up at a stranger’s house and you can’t find your pants but you want to get out of there ASAP. Fuck the pants. Run.

15. Your motor skills are shot. You can barely string together a sentence and you dropped your first cup of coffee on the cat.

16. Your friends told you that you disappeared and were later found by the bartender asleep in the bathroom.

 

xx meow