Voodoo Healing Stones and How I became a Believer

Let me just start off by saying that I am not in any way religious. Never have been and probably never will be.  I do however believe in spirituality and the universe. My mother has been sort of the same way. I never really looked much into any of these things though. I would just sort of exist but if anyone ever asked I was more spiritual than religious.

Recently, my very best friend in the whole wide world came to visit me here in NYC. It had been a few months since I had seen her and I absolutely could not wait. And when she arrived she arrived with presents! Apparently she has been working at this sort of, I don’t know, New Age store that sells healing stones/gemstones/crystals etc. and has become really interested in these properties and what they could potentially do for a person.

She bought me an entire bag of crystals and laid them out for me explaining what each one’s energy would bring to me. The only two I remember were the ones about money and the rose quartz which should bring me, as she called it, “not shitty men”.  In addition to my adorable little bag of stones that I was supposed to put under my pillow or next to my bed she also got me this rose quartz necklace to wear to help to attract these “non-shitty” men.  She came to visit me in mid-June when I was unemployed and not seeing anyone…at all. In any way. It is now mid-July and I have a job and five men actively pursing me. FIVE.

(btw, yes I am hooking up with all five of them – high five!) *vince masuka laugh*

I called her a few days ago and asked her what sort of voodoo witchcraft she did to me and what I should do about it. For reference, I am not good at handling men, at all. Like really bad, actually. I do not want to put effort into relationships because they always turn out poorly for me. I don’t have sex anymore (I tell people it is my choice to be celibate, which it is but I am mostly just too nervous to have sex with anyone). So right now I have these five dudes coming after me and it is freaking me the fuck out. This combined with getting a job after months of looking really made me think these energy stones have something going on.

I can’t say where I am going to go from here or what I am going to do about these five dudes because I think I want all of them but then I really don’t want any of them because of how fucked up my head is about relationships. I always want something and then as soon as I get it I want to peace the fuck out. It reminds of my favorite saying by Garfield, “It’s not the having, it’s the getting.” Ugh, preach Garfield, preach.

 

xx meow

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