I can, in all honesty say that finding a partner has never been my number one priority in life. Not even in the top three. Top five, probably, top three, no. This isn’t because I need to be defined as a strong, independent woman but rather a much deeper-rooted issue. Now that I am getting older I see all my friends pairing off, dating, getting married and even having babies (eaux) I briefly started to feel like a freak, wondering why I was never going on dates, why I wasn’t in a committed relationship, why I didn’t have anyone to make me dinner after a long day of work, etc.
So I took a long hard look at my relationships past and present as well as men that I have “crushed” on in an attempt for find a pattern. And I’ll be damned I found one…sort of. I like dudes that show the mildest sort of interest in me.
All my previous boyfriends I ended up dating because they liked me. THEY made the effort. THEY would call and text me. THEY would ask to hangout. THEY would initiate sex. I always told myself ‘hey this guy really likes you! Maybe you can learn to love him too.’ I have NEVER once dated a guy that I liked at the very beginning the way he liked me. I’m 24 years old I can’t think of a single mutual relationship I have had. There is one guy I did end up falling for yet as soon as I fell in love with him he cheated on me. So I’ve learned to close myself off a lot. It’s so frustrating when you can find people to date YOU but you don’t necessarily want them. It makes me wonder, are my standards too high? I am expecting something I can never attain? Will it be like this forever? Who knows? But this is not the way to date. It just isn’t
In the end, I need to get over myself and learn to talk to people, like people, even if they may not return the feelings. I would say an unrequited love is better than a love built on a false foundation that could be blown away with the slightest gust. I can’t deny that there is nothing like the feeling of someone caring, truly caring for you but in the end if you’re only with that person for those reasons not only is it unfair to said person but you are really shorting yourself which is the biggest tragedy.