It’s happened to all of us, developing that crush, finding someone so criminally cute it’s painful. You just want to see if you can get in with him or her somehow, some way. I’m sure we’ve all been turned down in horrible and cruel ways. I once had a guy tell me that he didn’t want to sleep with me because my face was “fucked up.” Um, seriously bro?! Who says that to another human? But, on the other side of that I was once turned down very pleasantly. This boy I had been eyeing for a while told me, “It’s not gonna happen. I have a serious girlfriend, but if I didn’t you’d be the first place I would go.” After the shock of the initial denial wore off I cackled like a hyena on Nitrous Oxide. It’s a backhanded compliment for sure and he may or may not even mean it but he was hot, so I’ll take it. (FYI – This was a year ago and I still stalk his FB and he is still with that girl. But I won’t lose faith!).
You could read blog after blog, article after article about how much it sucks to be turned down because, well, it does. But in fairness of equilibrium it can suck JUST as much to have to turn down some poor soul and I’m not talking about the douche bags that sloppily comes up to you at the bar at 3 AM begging for your number. No, I’m talking about people you know, friends even (or acquaintances), which have secretly been harboring this hidden attraction for you. Sure you may have picked up on it, I have before, but you never actually thought the said person would DO anything about it. I am well aware of human nature and it is much harder to make a move like that on someone you have known for a while rather than a stranger at The Levee. It is such a dangerous territory that most won’t even entertain the thought of entering it. I know I wouldn’t (which could potentially lead to my ultimate downfall but I could never deal with that humiliation if it didn’t go according to plan). It took me a while to find my inner voice that would say to me “maybe this is a bad idea” it took even longer for me to actually say those words to another person. I used to be one of those “go with the flow and it will be all over soon” types of people. Not the best way to live your life.
The first time it happened I was showing my best friend’s ex around the city. We had only recently been okay with each other because when we first met we hated each other. After we finished our adventure I sent him on his merry way and proceeded to walk back to my residence. I then got a text from him asking me to meet him back at the subway station. There were no red flags yet but fresh out of high school things like this didn’t quite process in my brain yet. Needless to say the second I got back to him he kissed me. I swear I jumped so far I was afraid I was going to be launched into orbit. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what he thought he was thinking. He was my best friend’s ex. That is the biggest NO and everyone on this planet knows it. So I looked him straight in they eye and said, “No, she’s my best friend. Go home. You don’t really want this anyway.” He begrudgingly agreed and left. I called my girlfriend about 8 seconds later and told her. She laughed for a good 15 minutes because she know how I felt about the fool.
The worst though is having to turn down someone you know well…and like. Just not like-like. Someone who is so lost in this world that he is like a little puppy that got away from its mother ala Babe, Pig in the City style. Someone who does not have one cruel fiber in his or her body and may actually be the nicest, sweetest, most adorably innocent person you know. Basically someone that Cher would consider completely Clueless. Having to turn down THAT person is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced. Honestly, I think I would have been able to deal better had he just come out and put a move on me but the poor thing ASKED if he could kiss me. He ASKED, which I respect, it’s quite gentlemanly but do you know how painful it is to have to look at someone while you’re both wearing ridiculous Halloween costumes and tell them ‘no’? One of the most awkward moments of my adult life, that’s for sure. But I let him down as gently as possible. Tried my best not to make him feel awful and hoped that neither of us would ever speak of it again.
Just remember next time someone turns you down they’re having and extremely hard time with it as well.